<html xmlns:tei="http://www.tei-c.org/ns/1.0"><body><h1 align="center" class="head">The Woes of a Rookie</h1><p class="byline"> WILLIAM L. COLESTOCK </p><div class="stanza"><p class="line">I ENLISTED in the infantry last summer;</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">I was greeted at the training camp with joy;</p><p class="line">I had hardly gotten settled, when a sergeant</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">Told me I was now the Company's errand boy.</p><p class="line">Now, I knew I'd have to start in at the bottom,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">And acquire my army training bit by bit;</p><p class="line">But to be assigned to duties quite so humble,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">Was humiliating, surely you'll admit.</p></div><div class="stanza"><p class="line">My first errand was a trip to Field Headquarters.</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">It was raining and the mud was deep and thick,</p><p class="line">I was ordered to seek out the Major General,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">And procure a requisition for a brick.</p><p class="line">'Twas explained to me, before I left my Company,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">That our Captain suffered much with chilly feet,</p><p class="line">And that bricks, when rightly heated, would correct this.</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">What that Major General said, I'll not repeat.</p></div><div class="stanza"><p class="line">To our surly Regimental Quartermaster,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">I was sent to get the Company's Sunday hats,</p><p class="line">And my Sergeant said, "to save myself some walking,"</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">I could "also get the First Lieutenant's spats";</p><p class="line">When I told that sour Quartermaster's seageant</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">What it was I'd like to have for Company A,</p><p class="line">Gosh he "bawled me out," said "Your ears should be longer, </p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">And your rations should be changed from beans to hay."</p></div><div class="stanza"><p class="line">For a thousand feet of skirmish line I hunted </p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">For a half a day, before I saw the joke;</p><p class="line">Next they sent me for a left--hand canvas stretcher,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">To repair the Mess-hall windows, which were broke.</p><p class="line">As the Company Street was slightly rough and bumpy,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">They dispatched me for a double-jointed plow;</p><p class="line">And one breakfast-time they sent me to the Colonel,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">With a pail, to milk the Regimental cow.</p></div><div class="stanza"><p class="line">Then one day the Sergeant said, "You've been promoted.</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">You're now morning call-boy for the Regiment,</p><p class="line">And each morning, bright and early, you will sprinkle</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">Drops of water on each face, in every tent."</p><p class="line">In the morning I began my sprinkling duties,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">And had sprinkled in about one dozen tents,</p><p class="line">When a bunch of fellows rushed me to the hydrant,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">Where they "soused" me good; since then I've had me some sense.</p></div><div class="stanza"><p class="line">As I look back at the time I "ran the paddles,"</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">After having set me down in water wet;</p><p class="line">Rushing down between two rows of husky messmates,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">With my arms above my head, I feel it yet.</p><p class="line">Now, I've graduated from the rookie section,</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">And the "awkward squad" will miss me in its ranks,</p><p class="line">And I'm happy, for a hunch of bloomin' rookies</p><p class="line" style="text-indent:5%">Have arrived. To those that sent them, Many Thanks. </p></div></body></html> · Great War