ABSOLUTE knowledge I have none,

But by aunt's washerwoman's son

Heard a policeman on his beat

Say to a laborer in the street

That he had a letter just last week,

Written in the finest Greek,

From a Chine coolie in Timbuctoo

Who said the niggers in Cuba knew

Of a colored man in a Texas town

Who got it straight from a circus clown,

That a man in Klondike heard the news

From a gang of South American Jews,

About somebody in Bamboo W

Who heard a man who claimed he knew

Of a swell society female rake

Whose mother-in-law will undertake

To prove that her husband's sister's niece

Has stated in a printed piece

That she has a son who has a friend

Who knows when the war is going to end.